They say there’s a beauty in death and only those who truly over-stand will see it. Thursday, November 29, 2018, at 8:01 P.M me and my siblings all hovered around my dad’s hospital bed noticing a change in his breathing pattern. At approximately 8:03 we watched our father take his last breathe. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, The pain that arose in that very moment was unbearable and here it is 4 days later and it hasn’t lightened up a bit. It pained my soul to watch my dad suffer and there was nothing none of us could do. You can never prepare for something like this And there is no blueprint on how to cope with such a loss.
Some say we are on borrowed time, but for sure with life comes the guarantee of death. How and when death comes is the mystery. I am writing this to release some of my inner thoughts that have been going on in my head since my dad’s transition. His last breath expression keeps playing over and over in my head. This is my first time experiencing losing my parent, a parent that I lived in the house with. Last night around 9:00 pm I put my phone on silent and turned off my Netflix (Btw: vampire diaries is sooo good) and just sat in deep thought about what I had experienced and also what I was currently feeling. I am overwhelmed with emotions i’ve never felt before.
Being that I believe we are all energy and everything around us is energy leads me to also believe that we really can never die. But standing at the foot of my dad’s bed what I believed to be my truth had numbed out. In a matter of seconds his life force energy transcended out of his current body. Today was the first time after crying for hours and replaying memories of my dad over and over in my mind that I had a simple thought and that thought was a question “why do I feel so much pain from loosing a loved one that has done nothing but been amazing to me? I know what you will say “because they were good to you and you miss them and love them.” And thats true, but I choose to go deeper with this question. Why does such great and amazing positive feelings leave such painfull and unbearable emotions.
Going deeper into my question led me to step back and view the total scope of my perception of life. My perception of Life is we are all spiritual beings having a human experience journeying indiviually through the material realm to receive what ever is needed to journey us on. Now, we are multifacted beings and as we journey each lifetime we connect energetically to each other. That connection remains and loosing a loved one is like loosing apart of yoursef.
For me my feelings are shifitin I’ll always hurt from the mere fact of not having my dad here in the physical but we will always be connected in the spiritual. After allowing my feelings, my thoughts and my emotions to consume me I finally saw the beauty. My dad has fufilled and received what he needed for his journey and he was finally done here and ready to move to the next phase. Life really never ends we are all energy, always have been always will be cannot be create or destroyed. And that in itself is the most beautiful part of us all we only change physical form. Always and forever connected to each other as we are connected to the source. But you ain’t heard it from me cause, I aint the one to gossip!