Today is one of them days, I woke up in such pain and my first thought was to be strong. However, spirit wispered to me and said “be weak” so I decided to do just that. Writitng is my therapy I stay as true to self as possible. I acknowledge how I feel at all times. Today I feel weak, as much as I’m aware that we are spirits having an human experience and we are energy that cannot be created or destroyed. I’m still hurting from loosing my dad.
There are so many thoughts that are running through my mind right now and i’m going to let them. I’m no expert at loosing people or greiving, but I do know that stuffing how I feel won’t help so today I’ll be sad, today i’ll be happy, today i’ll just be. I’m not even sure if this feeling will ever go away or just get better to deal with as time passes. Sometimes I wonder if my dad is really over me watching or has he started his new journey somewhere else to fulfill a desire that he didn’t get a chance to fulfill this time.
They say there is nothing in the world we don’t know we just have forgotten. I wish I could remember why it hurt so bad, or what really happens before and after this time and space. Life holds so many mysteries and is filled with so many different perceptions. I suppose time could heal depending on how you look at it. As I sit at my writing desk and stare out the window I wonder can my dad feel my pain or has he already been reborn into his next journey and forgotten.
I know my dad loved me a lot as he loved us all (his family) but I also know that his life was about his journey and my life is about mine. So without fear I will journey through these unfamiliar emotions without interferance. I’m not sure if time will heal but I know that I will always and forever miss my dad and hold close all of the memeories we made together. And if time does heal I’ll be waiting on my healing.
What is time anyway? according to google time is the indefinite continued progress of existence. Which got me thinking, even when we have left the physical body we still exist in the spirit so time techniaclally will continue cause it never really stops. Rather time heals or not God has designed us to heal from all wounds so rather we wait as time passes or use time well for healing purposes. When time is used well, in terms of healing wounds, then it is because we do something specific with and within it. I’ll always miss my dad but I look forward to the pain of such a loss to ease up as time passes. That’s why today I’m choosing to just be and allow my emotions to flow and healing to begin at the pace it chooses. The only way ove is through. but, I ain’t the one to gossip!